The Fountain

Chris could not believe his eyes. That they were in fact still eyes seemed fairly certain. And it was equally certain that his brain was reporting their message accurately. Yet what he saw, he could not believe. How could it all be gone?

To be fair, "how?" is easy to answer. There are any number of ways the "how?" would have, could have worked. It's not so much the answer to "how?" that brings comfort when something goes missing, any more than "when?" or "who?" But it's one of those carrot questions that dangles just out of reach when the mind blinds itself to the rest of the world to pursue what-once-was-and-now-is-not.

It might be easy to judge, Chris thought briefly as he started to judge himself. It's not like this is the first thing that has been stolen from him. And anyone might think it would be silly to miss something; it's not like a "something" could make you happy. And this loss was no different in that respect.

It didn't bring happiness... it was happiness.

It's true, money can't buy you happiness. Those who have it would never sell it for mere slips of paper.

Chris's mind skipped to the next slide in its presentation of unfathomable dilemmas. Maybe this isn't where he left it... Happiness is a strange thing; if just a little bit of happiness exists in a place, in time it will eventually fill the space completely. But you can't check in on it. If you sit there and stare at the happiness, it will never seem to grow.

It would be pretty hard too to just sit and stare at the happiness. When you're near it, you have to drink it in. And in that too there's something strange about happiness. It never seems to grow inside a person. Maybe it's too dark, maybe it doesn't react well to stomach acid, Chris has never quite figured that one out. You just have to be careful to only be happy when you need to be happy and not any more than that.

He's met quite a few of the addicts. People who have chased happiness so long that they barely even feel the effects any more. It's easy to see why the happiness doesn't grow in them. Sometimes he thinks they just want the happiness so no one else can have it.

No... This is definitely where he left it last. He tried to move it around, but it's so hard to find good hiding places. Happiness changes things, and it's very difficult to leave it anywhere for long without everyone knowing where it is. Apparently, he left it here just long enough.

Chris had heard a myth that once happiness was everywhere, but people started to drink it in faster than it could grow. When it was finally discovered that the happiness was disappearing, folks decided to set up a reservoir for the happiness that was left. Many people brought their happiness to the same place and there was plenty for everyone when they needed it. Everyone simply agreed to not let the level fall too low.

But this fountain of happiness soon began to drain. People were constantly watching it, waiting for it to rise above the low level mark. And eventually they stopped waiting even for that. They began to steal happiness from the fountain, and when that was gone, they stole it from each other.

Soon everyone had to hide their happiness. People who had it had to pretend they didn't, or else someone would steal it from them. So even the happy people had to act like they weren't.

Chris didn't know if the myth was true. It was true that he had pretended for a very long time that he had no happiness so that no one would take what little he had. Thankfully, all those years of pretending would finally pay off; he knew exactly how to act now that his happiness was gone.

What Sacrifice

"If you could sacrifice your son and save the whole world, wouldn't you? What's the big deal about God's sacrifice then; he did what any rational dad would do..."

Aside from the obvious fact that this is a statement that would only seem rational to the childless, let's spend some time looking at the crap ton of assumptions made in such a ridiculous question.

For starters, this cost-benefit analysis assumes that the whole world is saved by said sacrifice. And yet the bible is clear that not all are saved.

"The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with the work of Satan displayed in all kinds of counterfeit miracles, signs and wonders, and in every sort of evil that deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved." 2 Thessalonians 2:9-10

If you could sacrifice your son just to offer everyone in the whole world salvation, would you? That seems much less cut and dry to me.

But let's not romanticize it. This isn't trading one innocent person for millions of other innocent people. God sacrificed the only innocent man for the sake of the guilty.

If you could sacrifice your son just to offer everyone in prison the opportunity to get out of jail, would you? But this still barely scratches the surface of the sacrifice.

Let's pretend for just a moment that you had a girlfriend back in high school. She was the perfect girlfriend, beautiful and brilliant. You'd hang out together all the time and talk and laugh and generally feel quite good about the world. Until the day she dumped you. This was no "Dear John" breakup; she humiliated you in front of the whole school. It was a complete bridge burner.

After you both went your separate ways, she took a severe turn for the worse. A life characterized by drugs and violence; she sold herself in every possible way to anyone with money. She did things that haven't even been named on UrbanDictionary. And every chance she got, she publicly derided you. She cursed you, blamed you, defamed you with vigorous hatred.

But you went on to get married. You married a woman far above any girlfriend you'd ever dated. She defines beauty and wisdom. Every moment with her is memorable and precious. Every second is an experience, every day is a lifetime. Your souls, your hearts, your very essence have become completely intertwined. She is as much a part of you as you are. This is love.

Through a series of events, you discover that this old girlfriend is wanting to get cleaned up, but doesn't know how. You run a rehab clinic and so that you can continue to serve in your position, you buy a round trip ticket for your wife and a one way for your ex so that she can sober up.

But as soon as your ex realizes she is face to face with your wife, she kills her in cold blood on the spot.

She continues in her depravity to new lows. And at her absolute worst, she decides to use the one way ticket. Whether you send her to jail or shoot her on sight, she doesn't care. She just can't go on any longer in the hell she's trapped in.

And when she shows up at your door... You don't shoot her. You don't hand her over to the police. You bring her in. You clean her up. You give her new clothes and a new home. And you don't just send her back on her way. You give her everything you had given your wife. You marry her. You marry her because you love your wife, and her sacrifice has made all the difference.

This story is so completely far fetched as to be absurd, but this is terrifically close to what has really happened. But even this little parable falls short. Jesus knew the whole time he would have to die. He had to watch every single sin. He had to listen to every blasphemy. He had to bear all of our hatred, all of our insults, and he had to do the one thing that no God could ever do. He had to die. He had to give up his very nature to save those who by their very nature betrayed him and killed him.

And then, it's not for a single one way ticket. I have complete freedom. I walk away constantly, I insult him incessantly, and he brings me back each time. He restores me and continues to give me my freedom. He won't marry me against my will. He wants me to want him.

So yeah, no one has ever heard of a sacrifice like this. This is different. This is love.

Storm Chasing a Miracle

"If a miracle happens in the wilderness, and no one witnesses it, does it have an impact?"

Some folks chase storms, and more power to 'em. Storms are awesome displays of natural power and most people who get up close and personal with a tornado or a hurricane don't get a chance to talk about it. It turns out that if you get too close to a storm, you're most likely going to get caught up in it.

Those storm chasers come away with some pretty amazing pictures of raw force and destruction. I saw a picture of lighting striking a tree once. You could almost hear the sizzle of the rain soaked wood as it literally exploded from the intensity of the strike. The picture was from a mile away.

I imagine if that picture had been just a few feet away, the strike wouldn't have just claimed the tree, but the camera and the storm chaser too. That's just how it works, stay a safe distance away and get a good picture. But if you try for a great picture of the change that nature can bring, you're probably going to be changed yourself.

Miracles are kind of like storms. They're raw displays of power that almost defy belief or explanation. And when you try to rationalize them, they lose some of their appeal. At least they seem to until you get right up next to one.

If you get too close to a miracle, it changes you. I've watched immature boys become proud responsible fathers within seconds of their daughters' birth. I've seen women with severe self image problems suddenly find themselves beautiful the instant he popped the question. I've seen fear replaced by strong faith as cancer steals away a cherished family member.

I've seen quite a few pictures of the intense change a miracle strike can bring. I chase them. Some folks think I'm just plain crazy for getting so close to something I can't explain. Others think I'm just plain crazy for thinking a miracle is worth chasing in the first place. I suppose storm chasers hear the same kind of things from their friends.

But I've been in the presence of the miraculous and it's changed me. I can't imagine any other life than storm chasing a miracle.

Stillness

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

Be still, for this is a sacred day. Do not grieve. Nehemiah 8:11

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Psalm 37:7

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. Mark 4:39

It's funny, I daydream about fighting, about defending all my ideas and decisions and friendships and beliefs. I daydream about loss and grief and suffering. I daydream about my failures and other's success. And apparently the solution to all of that is to be still.

And in being still, I am confronted by God for who he is, his power and might and majesty. He will be exalted. And he will reveal that through stillness.

And I am a torrential storm. I find creative ways of destroying everything in my path. I almost cried when I saw that verse in the concordance. Being still is a rebuke full of blessing.

He will fight for me. He will take away my grief and suffering. He will be my success. He will reveal himself as the exalted one over the nations. He will turn my destructiveness into beauty. He is God.

Fluff v. PB

This is the story, so true but so sad
Of Cap'n Fluffypants run in with that dastardly cad
That vile vitriolic villain of venomous woe
That infamous thief with the gangrenous toe
His crimes are displays of his powerful might
Yes the one the only Bucktooth the Pirate

Cap'n Fluffenstuff had bravely traveled the seas
Protecting crew and cargo as her ship followed the breeze
She bounced port to port procuring her wares
Particularly peaches and pumpkins and pears
It was some wonder that in all of her days
She and El Bucktootho had never crossed ways

Then one dark dismal day fate dealt her a hand
Bucky Bucktooth passed by with his bucky buck-pirate band
With a flourish and a wave and a flash of his blade
This warning he gave to Cap'n Fluffenwhatnot the brave
"Beware, be forewarned, be afraid and in doubt
For all that you are with you will soon be without"

She stood stock still in horror aghast at his gaze
Cap'n Fluffennugen's brain quickly mired in haze
What "with" did he mean, her crew and her ship?
And how would this without come to happen so quick?
She stared as he walked, nay he crept down the pier
What a horrible man to snatch away all she held dear

She stood there for minutes as he boarded his boat
Minutes drained into hours as she lost all her hope
For days in despair Cap'n Fluffenthangs stood on that dock
And a week passed in seconds tick-tocked by the clock
For seven long days she moved nary a muscle
In the midst of the port's busy hustle and bustle

When she finally awoke from her fear induced coma
Cap'n Flufflebutter startled to a startling aroma
Her cargo of fruit was well in to decay
Her crew all abandoned and went on their way
She was all by herself not a cent to her name
She shed one single tear from frustration and shame

But that one tiny drop as it slid down her cheek
Dredged up in the Cap'n something still silent and meek
Her courage and conviction she had managed to keep
She would reclaim what she'd lost to that deplorable creep
And Cap'n Fluffaluffagus vowed that she never would sleep
As long as Bucktooth the Pirate terrorized the deep

She needed a hand, a friendly friend by her side
So Cap'n Fluffers did search first far and then wide
For who one would wonder would be worthy of this?
This searching the seas, this motoring in mists
This running and gunning, zip zooming to find
The one winged white walleye, the last of his kind

"Hold on," you might say surprised at the claim
"a one winged white walleye? why that's simply insane
walleyes are fish and as fish don't you see
they have no use for wings as they swim through the sea
and on this point too, I must declare you're at fault
for walleyes are green and prefer fresh water to salt"

My dear listener of course you've hit the nail on the head
If there were ever such walleyes then they all must be dead
but Cap'n Fluffles had heard and had since then believed
That one, just one walleye had thus been conceived
and that one, just one walleye was all she would need
and for that one walleye she would scour the seas

She had heard long ago that this one walleye did dwell
In a shack in the shade of a shallow sea shell
In this hideout he hid out to ride out the storms
That shook round the sea shell when the shallows would warm
None knew of his nest, his home he had shroud
"But find him I must" Cap'n Fluffycakes whispered aloud

Cap'n Fluff had an idea, a vision of sorts
She would build a new shelter, a mansion, a fort
whatever when witnessed would woo one walleye away
from the leaned over lean-to where that walleye now stayed
A perfect conclusion, and at once she did start
And into that home she poured all of her heart

The place now constructed she spread round the word
And the walleye secluded, even he heard
About the fine house Cap'n Flufferberry designed
and that he alone was the tenant she had in mind
his curiosity did kill him (but his cat was alright)
and at once he did leave, this one winged walleye of white

He arrived at the spot he was told it would be
This brand new abode built beneath the blue sea
But no home did he find, no dwelling to dwell in
No cottage, no condo, no castle, no cabin
He found not one thing like a house or a hut
But he did find that louse Bucktooth the Pirate

But perhaps one should say that Bucktooth found him
Since things for the walleye looked quite sour and grim
For Bucktooth had twisted Cap'n Fluffington's directions
And led the walleye away from Cap'n Flufflebunny's affections
And here in the remotest part of the ocean
Bucktooth planned to destroy the object of her devotion

But as he drew out his saber to dispatch the white fish
Cap'n Flufferbell appeared and interrupted his wish
"I knew you would hurt him, you awful old man
I knew you would try to hurt me again
I knew you would lie and he'd get lost on his way
I knew he would die if you had your day

"But Bucktooth, oh Bucktooth" Cap'n Fluffylumpkins went on
"Bucktooth your pirating days are long gone
You will now be without as you wished upon me
You will wander alone as you wander the sea
You'll never hurt my white walleye with only one wing
You'll never steal cargo or crew or bling bling

"For Bucktooth" she said as a tear breached her eye
"Bucktooth you are a disgusting deplorable guy
You thought your curse robbed me of all that I loved
But now you see clearly that those things were just stubs
Filling holes in my heart that this walleye now fills
For I searched the world over for his scales and his gills"

Bucktooth stood and he listened to every last word
And forgot about the white walleye with one wing like a bird
His mind melted to mush as Cap'n Fluffenfluff finished her spiel
She left him one last lump of truth of the ordeal
"All that I was with I can now live without
I have this white walleye, through in and throughout"

"But you sir will wander this world where we stand
With no one, not one man in your bucky buck-pirate band
You will only have you, and with you will you be
Forever alone as you sail on the sea"
With a sigh she then turned and with the walleye went on
He watched without moving not an inch till they'd gone

They say Bucktooth still roams and he moans till this day
Riding alone on his ship as it breaks through the waves
He endlessly searches in hopeless pursuit
He cases the crooks and the crannies to boot
He looks for a white one winged walleye of his own
But there is one, only one, and now with the Cap'n, he's home

The Walk

Some places are haunted. I don't mean by ghosts or spirits; that debate is not on the table here. Some places are haunted by the memories of what was but is no more. And in some of those places we erect metal and stone and wood ghosts to draw out those memories and make sure that the now is infected by the remembrance of the not.

It's been ten years since I walked on the dusty deathbed of a dozen memories. I have never forgiven myself for that year or that night, but I have learned to carry the burden as though it were one of the million logs that weighed on my back before it. I recently walked to that site that knew well my boots and my blood, my sweat and my tears. And as all good journeys should begin, it started with a step.

But it's a step I had not taken for so long, I think I forgot how. I had not even looked in that direction for so long, how could I walk it? I could not go with someone who had known the twelve, how could I look them in the eye. I could not go with someone who knew what I had lost, I could not stand on that ground with someone who pitied me. I could not go with someone who thought it was unimportant, I could not honor the past with someone who didn't respect it. And I could not go alone, never alone, not alone... I would never leave.

By some miraculous twist I have been given a true friend. I have had many friends who have loved me very much. Many people who have respected me, who have learned from me, who have taught me. I have had many people who would lose with me and gain with me. But never before have I had a friend with whom all of that was secondary to the point of meaninglessness. I have never had a friend whose joy is to give me a safe place, who selflessly gives and finds it unthinkably selfish to take. And this friend took the first step.

It was a long walk, a very very long walk, full of history and trivia and stories and memories and traditions and novelty. It was a good walk. I was sore and tired and sweaty, but I was smiling and laughing right up until crossing the last street from the marble scab over my deepest wounds.

It is hard to explain what goes through your mind when you see the ashes of your world paved over with pretty stones and rocks and manicured grass. When your eyes are filled with tears and shame at the sight of your brothers and sisters frozen in carbonite and thrown up on display in a near mockery of the comraderie shared before the fall. It's hard to explain why 10 year old grief still sits so near the surface and comes out in anger and indignation and disgust. It's hard to explain why I walked around perimeter the wrong way, why I never stopped to read the inscriptions, why I looked at the rocks at my feet more than anything else.

But it's easy to explain why I held on to my friend for dear life. Because my friend is dear. My friend is alive. That field is dead. Those stonehenge monuments don't tell the time today, but of a decade past. My friend walked a very very long way with me. My friend walked a very long way back. I did not go alone, and everything I came with, I left with. It was a hard walk, a very painful walk. But I walked it, we walked it, and that walk is done.

To all of my friends, thank you for the walks we've shared. I have enjoyed them all and long to walk with each of you again. To my friends with whom I will not walk again, those journeys were not in vain for either of us, you will always be remembered. To my friend, for whom this very special walk was a sacrifice and a blessing, you have been my great gift, thank you.

One Unit To Rule Them All

And so, my dear pupils, it is time for another foray into the deep effervescent thoughts of that most delightful system of measurement, the Mike Unit.

Now, as a brief refresher, remember that a Mike Unit is a specific unit of measure. That is to say, if you pour liquid into a cup and you measure the volume of the liquid in the cup, you'll find that it is one Mike Unit. If you measure how hot the liquid is in the cup, you'll find that it is one Mike Unit. If you measure the pressure of the liquid in the cup, again, one Mike Unit.

As a corollary then, if you measure the volume of liquid in another cup, you will again find it is one Mike Unit. But if you then pour this one Mike Unit of liquid into the other cup which already contained one Mike Unit, you would now find that you had one Mike Unit of liquid in the cup you poured into. Curiously enough, you would also still have one Mike Unit of liquid remaining in the seemingly empty cup.

The key here is that performing any operation on Mike Units results in a Mike Unit. So one Mike Unit plus one Mike Unit equals one Mike Unit. One Mike Unit minus one Mike Unit equals one Mike Unit. The same is true for times, divided by, raised to the power of, et cetera.

In my previous post, I mentioned that you can't cancel Mike Units, so moving from 1MU + 1MU = 1MU to the seemingly identical expression 1MU - 1MU = 1MU is actually quite difficult. Let's look at what would happen with normal numbers:

1 + 1 = 2
1 + 1 - 1 = 2 - 1
1 + 0 = 2 - 1
1 = 2 - 1

Here we subtracted 1 from both sides because subtraction is a special kind of operation that preserves equality when it is applied to both sides of an equality relationship. Then because 1 - 1 is 0 and something + 0 is the something, we wind up where we expected to be, namely that 1 + 1 = 2 implies that 1 = 2 - 1. The fact that we can apply an operation to both sides that in effect reduces one of the operands to zero is what we refer to as canceling.

Now let's break down what happens if we try to follow the same logic with Mike Units:

1MU + 1MU = 1MU
1MU + 1MU - 1MU = 1MU - 1MU
1MU + 1MU = 1MU - 1MU
1MU = 1MU - 1MU

Notice here that subtraction is again equality preserving, so we were able to subtract the 1MU from both sides and still have equality. But on the next line, notice that we did not reduce that 1MU to zero. Instead, it remained one Mike Unit. Then we used the fact that 1MU + 1MU = 1MU to wind up with the final equation. But we never canceled by taking something to zero.

This is because there is no zero in Mike Units, there is only the 1 Mike Unit. Even when there is seemingly no Mike Unit, if it can be measured, it can be shown to be 1 Mike Unit. Fascinating, isn't it?