Modern Day FuwjaxJekyll2020-06-17T22:56:10-05:00http://www.fuwjax.com/http://www.fuwjax.com/fuwjax@gmail.comhttp://www.fuwjax.com/trust2017-05-20T13:11:00-05:002017-05-20T13:11:00-05:00http://www.fuwjax.comfuwjax@gmail.com
<p>Trust may be difficult to define. Perhaps it’s true that we can only know it when we see it or that we only know it when it’s gone. Let’s look at some common ways to describe “trust.”</p>
<p>You may have heard “you can always trust a liar,” and it’s true - you can always trust a liar to lie. The downside is that you’re disincentivized to trust them to do much else. It is tempting to use “trust” to mean “I trust you to do what you’ve always done.” However, trusting people to be predictable is usually more a function of your ability to predict, rather than anything to do with their trustworthiness.</p>
<p>There’s a certain amount of truth to defining trust as “walk the walk and talk the talk,” but it’s far too easy to make that statement about your classifications and stereotypes. I attended Texas A&M, and “not walking the talk” was a phrase often applied to being a poor excuse for an Aggie. Fail to live up to someone else’s expectations, and they may brand you as a “two percenter.” You might have had all the values and passions of any other Aggie, but if you left a football game early, then you give other folks cause to assume you only give 2% of your heart to your collegiate identity.</p>
<p>Maybe we can define broken trust much more easily? Think back to a time someone broke your trust. Imagine yourself confronting that person. At some point you probably want to use the phrase, “I trusted you.” Now repeat that same conversation in your head using “I expected you to…” instead. Your expectations are the sort of thing you can’t even live up to, how could anyone else? When people don’t live up to them, it’s far too easy to pretend they’ve broken your trust instead of your unreasonable expectations.</p>
<p>These statements have less to do with trust and more to do with psychic ability, stereotypes, and unclear expectations. So instead, let’s look at trust as a value seen from a position of vulnerability. Let’s give someone something worth breaking.</p>
<p>I’ve been researching love for some time, and I’m pretty confident of one thing - love is fueled by an intense and unquenchable desire to believe the unbelievable.</p>
<p>In this context, trust is the willingness to believe even in the absence of direct evidence.</p>
<p>You might be wondering, “Isn’t that just faith?” Faith is the belief itself - the persistent artifact of loving trust. Trust means I’m willing to believe you’re better than either of us think and capable of more than you’ve done. Faith is the practice of living out that trust - basing my decisions and actions on that belief. It’s relying on you to be the person I believe you can be rather than what I expect you to be. Faith is when I walk your talk.</p>
<h2 id="what-does-this-definition-of-trust-give-us">What does this definition of trust give us?</h2>
<p>It provides a clear metric for assessing growth and health of a relationship. Because we can assess it, we can identify factors that correlate with various levels of trust. And because we can relate those factors to “trust,” we can describe ways to move from low-trust correlations to higher. In programming jargon, seeing “trust” as a willingness to believe allows us to assess qualities of trust, identify patterns and smells, and create refactorings.</p>
<h3 id="how-can-we-measure-trust">How can we measure trust?</h3>
<p>Imagine today is a regular day. You wake up at your average time, get ready in your normal way. You work on your daily tasks, eat regular meals, and follow your normal evening routine before slipping off to sleep at your regular bedtime. A day full of nothing special.</p>
<p>Tomorrow is exactly like today except for one task. In theory, it’s an easy task, but you’ve never done it before. You’ve done things a bit like it, but this is honestly pretty new.</p>
<p>Let’s say people trust you and they trust you to complete the task. The person who asked for it has reasonable and clear expectations. Folks who have dependencies on your work are ready to work with you to ensure compatibility. The people whose work you depend on have clear documentation and are available to help. You have time free from interruptions to work on the task. And you’ve got a good game plan on what you’re going to do, how you’re going to do it, and what “done” and “good enough” should look like in this case.</p>
<p>Let’s say instead people didn’t trust you. Your boss gave you a handful of keywords and a deadline leaving you only half the time you need. The people depending on you are under their deadlines, so they’ve got a hacky temporary solution your work is expected to drop-in replace. The people you depend on have all moved on to other projects and can’t be bothered. And you have to finish the new task while you fulfill all your other responsibilities.</p>
<p>There is some truth in “you know trust when you don’t have it.” We have names for those low-trust situations - friction, redundancy, politics, Tuesday. We have names for the high-trust example too - fantasy, mythology, television, motivational speakers.</p>
<p>We don’t believe in high-trust environments. We expect low-trust environments. Trust, in a sense, feels very untrustworthy.</p>
<h3 id="but-if-thats-true-how-are-we-supposed-to-measure-it">But if that’s true, how are we supposed to measure it?</h3>
<div class="language-plaintext highlighter-rouge"><div class="highlight"><pre class="highlight"><code>Outcome = Strategy x Tactics
</code></pre></div></div>
<p>You might have seen this formula before, perhaps with different words like “Results,” “Plan,” and “Execution.” The meaning is the same - if you want something done right, you have to commit to how you’re going do it and then follow through to the best of your ability.</p>
<p>But that’s a bit oversimplified. If you have a dozen people, then you have a dozen strategies and a dozen tactics - if you’re lucky. That too is a bit naive. If you have a dozen people, then each person has 11 other people all getting in the way of their plan and execution. In reality, you have the following equation:</p>
<div class="language-plaintext highlighter-rouge"><div class="highlight"><pre class="highlight"><code>Results = Strategy x Tactics / Organizational Friction
</code></pre></div></div>
<p>Here is how we are going to measure trust - it’s the absence of organizational friction. Trust is the work you don’t have to do and the decisions you don’t have to make because you are willing to believe others are doing that work and making those decisions to the best of their ability. Trust is the freedom to make mistakes and bestowing that freedom on others.</p>
<p>Trust is an organizational lubricant. It keeps the machinery of your company in healthy, working order and provides the slack and buffer for things to realign gently should they fall out of alignment.</p>
<p>Let’s be clear, a complete absence of organizational friction isn’t anarchy, but it’s also not ideal. Your car can’t drive without friction between your tires and the road. But your car will be much more performant if there’s as little friction as possible between your wheels and the hub.</p>
<p>Remove the right friction from the right places, and you’ll get a multiplier effect on your results.</p>
<h2 id="where-should-we-focus-on-building-trust">Where should we focus on building trust?</h2>
<p>The word “friction” here is no accident. When we say “outcome” what we mean is “cooperative movement.” We want the organization to move from where it is to where we want it to be. That may mean producing 15,000 widgets by the end of the month. It may mean reducing time-to-market from months to minutes. Whatever the goal, there is a need to assess four primary concerns at every level of the organization.</p>
<ol>
<li>Origin - Where are we?</li>
<li>Strategy - Where are we going?</li>
<li>Tactics - How will we get there?</li>
<li>Outcome - How will we know we’ve arrived?</li>
</ol>
<p>We are doing this at every level of the organization, which means, we’re doing that for ourselves as well. These questions map cleanly to the four capabilities of trust from The Speed of Trust -</p>
<ol>
<li>Integrity - Who am I?</li>
<li>Intent - Why do I do what I do?</li>
<li>Capabilities - What am I able to do?</li>
<li>Results - What does what I do look like when I’m done?</li>
</ol>
<p>We can also map these for questions to after-action language.</p>
<ol>
<li>Where did we start?</li>
<li>How did we plan to achieve our goal?</li>
<li>What did we do to achieve our goal?</li>
<li>How close did we arrive at our intended goal?</li>
</ol>
<p>And this is just the OODA loop slightly out of order.</p>
<ol>
<li>Orient - from where we are, which direction is our goal?</li>
<li>Decide - from the possible paths to take, pick one</li>
<li>Act - move down that path</li>
<li>Observe - where are we now?</li>
</ol>
<p>We have had this language in several differnt fields for a very long time. I’m not proposing something new or original. However, it still may not be obvious how this relates to removing organizational friction.</p>
<p>Pick a task to work through as an example - something that frustrates you. Currently, I commute between Dallas and Oklahoma City every week, so I’m going to pick driving through construction on I-35. I know where I am, that’s easy. I know where I’m going, that’s easy too. I know what it means to arrive at where I’m going. But how will I get there? Here there be dragons.</p>
<p>The people working on the highway don’t trust me. They’ve put up sizable walls between us. They are willing to inconvenience me for extended periods of time, making me wait without warning so that they can address their concerns. Then the next few weeks they won’t make any progress at all, leaving tons of equipment and material strewn about while I drive in long lines and narrow lanes over uneven roads.</p>
<p>What if everyone on I-45 was commuting between DFW and OKC for the same company? What if that company was the one doing the construction as well? Do you think there’d suddenly be an incentive for that company to change the situation? If it was your organization, would they do anything? If it was up to you, would you do something different?</p>
<p>When you start moving back to organizations, it’s not true that everything is easy aside from the tactics. It’s rare for everyone to agree on where we are. Goals are rarely decomposable; it is impossible to find your place in a grand strategy when you don’t understand where you fit in the grand tactics. And I’ve been an agile consultant long enough to know that no one agrees on the definition of done.</p>
<p>The point is that even in an ideal case where I understand my starting point, planned strategy, and expected outcome, there’s still plenty of room for friction on the tactics. So how much worse will things be if we can’t agree on anything? So how can we come to enough agreement to have a chance?</p>
<p>You can’t. Agreeing isn’t the point. Reducing organizational friction is the point. You don’t have to agree to trust. It doesn’t matter if you trust if you agree. The point of trust is to disagree and commit. The point of trust is to believe that even if we are wrong, we will still find a path that leads near our desired outcome. You will fail if you don’t lubricate the machine. You might succeed even when you shouldn’t if together everyone believes they will.</p>
<p>In a sense, creating trust is giving people something true to believe in, and then doing everything in your power to keep that belief grounded in truth.</p>
<h2 id="the-patterns-of-trust">The patterns of trust</h2>
<p>Any time we set out on a journey together, we are asking many different people to buy into a vision of where we are going and what it will mean for us to get there. We are asking for belief.</p>
<p>Along the four aspects we have outlined earlier, we will inspire that belief in how we communicate, in how we behave, and in how we act. We will have then 12 patterns to follow, with one more core pattern that must be the root of how we communicate, behave and act.</p>
<p>There’s a lot of meat that I’m just glossing over below. If you’re interested, I’d strongly recommend picking up The Speed of Trust. The point of this blog was to address the parts of the book I didn’t agree with, but when it comes to the meaty bits, I’m all in.</p>
<ul>
<li>Where are we? - Creating unity
<ul>
<li>Listen First - Make sure everyone can believe they have a voice</li>
<li>Confront Reality - Make sure everyone can believe that we can course-correct</li>
<li>Right Wrongs - Make sure everyone can believe they will not be intentionally hurt</li>
</ul>
</li>
<li>Where are we going? - Creating vision
<ul>
<li>Talk Straight - Push an agenda of simplicity</li>
<li>Create Transparency - Push an agenda of openness</li>
<li>Clarify Expectations - Push an agenda of clarity</li>
</ul>
</li>
<li>How will we get there? - Creating ecosystems
<ul>
<li>Practice Accountability - Demand feedback</li>
<li>Show Loyalty - Demand presence</li>
<li>Demonstrate Respect - Demand importance</li>
</ul>
</li>
<li>How will we know we’re there? - Creating results
<ul>
<li>Keep Commitments - Alwyas deliver on your word</li>
<li>Get Better - Always deliver more with less</li>
<li>Deliver Results - Always deliver something</li>
</ul>
</li>
<li>What should I do? - Creating belief
<ul>
<li>Extend Trust - Believe in others even in the absence of direct evidence</li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul>
<p><a href="http://www.fuwjax.com/trust/">Trust</a> was originally published by at <a href="http://www.fuwjax.com">Modern Day Fuwjax</a> on May 20, 2017.</p>
http://www.fuwjax.com/freight-elevator2016-03-14T23:11:00-05:002016-03-14T23:11:00-05:00http://www.fuwjax.comfuwjax@gmail.com
<p>A freight elevator is a wondrous machine. You might not think about them very often. You might not think about them at all. You might think they’re just another elevator.</p>
<p>And you’d mostly be right. But there’s one thing that sets a freight elevator apart from your normal run-of-the-mill elevator: you can’t call them.</p>
<p>You might not have known that’s the term for pushing the little up or down arrow. Yep, most normal elevators are “called” when you push the button. A freight elevator doesn’t get called. It sits wherever it is, doors open and inviting, waiting for a passenger to drive it from the inside.</p>
<p>Now, if you know me (and let’s face it, if you’re reading this site, then you probably do know me) then you’re probably wondering where I’m about to go with this metaphor. But you’d be wrong gentle reader, this isn’t a metaphor, it’s a story about a freight elevator - specifically the freight elevator at the apartment where I now live.</p>
<p>Now freight elevators are strange little beasts. If you think about it, it’s like a really well trained dog. It’s always right where you told it to stay, unless of course someone else runs off with it. That can be pretty frustrating if you’re using it for freight, say for instance during a move. So most places will have you reserve the freight elevator, as my new complex does.</p>
<p>I had a reservation for 9am to 1pm on Saturday and from 11am - 3pm on Sunday as a backup. Armed with the dates and times, I set out to find a mover on <a href="http://thumbtack.com">Thumbtack</a>. Within minutes I had several quotes, all for roughly the same amount. I started with the first mover and asked two questions: “Do you have availability that Saturday morning?” and “Can you complete the entire move by 1pm?”</p>
<p>The first mover wasn’t available. The second could but could only send two guys and was concerned about the fact that I was moving from a second floor to a second floor with a narrow time constraint. The third said they could send three guys and could definitely finish by 1pm without any issue. I agreed on $99/hr and we were all set. They would come armed with blankets, wrap and dollys. And they would tear everything down, wrap it up and put it all back together.</p>
<p>The second mover, Marisol Castillo with Castle Movers, messaged back several times offering better rates, a 3 man team, and was also confident they could get everything in by 1pm. They were very professional, courteous and wanted to work with me to get my business. You know, everything you’d like in a service company. I declined saying I’d already found a mover and didn’t feel comfortable bailing on the deal.</p>
<p>This story really is all about a freight elevator, but I wanted to plug Marisol and Thumbtack, because they really did a great job in what they set out to do. In the course of this story, there are several people and businesses who shine as exemplary, and these were the first two.</p>
<p>The company I went with was Reliable Movers. I arranged everything with Nick, who I assume is the owner. I called Nick back a week before the move just to verify that we were all good. He said, “Yeah, I’ve got you down for 1.” No. No, I need to be finished completely by 1. I explained the reservation for the freight elevator. He understood. I asked if his guys were going to be able to get me moved in by 1. No problem.</p>
<p>It’s important to note that when it comes to freight elevators, you might not know the first thing about them. Folks who move other folks, they use freight elevators any chance they get. When the building is tall enough, you have to reserve it. This isn’t new. This wasn’t a surprise.</p>
<p>But I was surprised that Saturday morning when I received a call at 7:45am. It was from Reliable, I think his name is L.C., but I’m not sure. It was raining that morning and projected to rain well past 1pm. He wanted to know if I thought we should push the move back to 10 or 11 to see if it let up. I didn’t think we could possibly get everything moved that quickly and asked if we needed to push it back to Sunday. While he was checking the schedule I said that there’s only about a 5 foot gap between the apartment door and the truck - my stuff isn’t going to get that wet. So if they didn’t mind getting a little wet, I certainly didn’t. He assured me they didn’t mind working in the rain. So I suggested that if they were worried it might slow them down, they could head over as early as they wanted. He said they’d head over. I laughed and said I’d grab a quick shower before they got there. He said, “Look for us.”</p>
<p>By 9:30am, I had the bed disassembled, everything boxed and staged by the door. It just had to get wheeled on the truck which, rather inconveniently, was not there. Believe me, I looked for it. I called L.C. back, but it went straight to voicemail. I mentioned that they might want to back the truck down the street in front just so they didn’t waste time figuring that out when they arrived.</p>
<p>A little after 10am, I didn’t bother leaving a message when it went straight to voicemail again. I called Nick instead. He told me that his guys said I explicitly told them they didn’t have to be there until 11. I told him I was under the impression they were on their way at 7:45. He got someone else on a 3-way call, had me say it again without them talking and then we all hung up after he said his guys were on the way. About 20 minutes later I received a call from Lee saying they were headed that way and they arrived at 11:15.</p>
<p>After showing them the parking situation and my apartment, I told him that I didn’t see any way we’d make it by 1pm. At first, he didn’t either. We walked back out to the truck, and I told him it was a half hour to the new place, so unless they could load in 40 minutes, it just wouldn’t be possible. He said he thought they could do it. I was a little incredulous, but these guys are professionals. So they backed up the truck and started loading.</p>
<p>Two of them - there were two guys who hopped out of the truck. At this point, it was pretty much moot how many clowns they had fit in their oversized circus car, but I was expecting 3. On the plus side, I was only going to have to pay for 2 at $75/hr. They were a little shocked I was expecting 3, since they would never send 3 guys out for a 1 bedroom. Even though the quote for 3 guys at $99/hr was after I said it was a one bedroom. Even though the reason I went with Reliable was they were going to send 3 guys even though I knew it was overkill. When a freight elevator is on the line, $24/hr is what I call peace of mind.</p>
<p>By 12:15, they had loaded on the truck a few pieces of furniture and most of the boxes. There was stuff outside the truck and staged on both floors next to the elevator. But it was obvious there was no possible way we could hit 1pm even with a couple miracles. After a few calls to the new place, I was able to reserve 6pm to 8pm. The guys talked to their boss, and he wanted them to go do another job. They said it was either that or pay them to sit around for 5 hours. But we couldn’t just leave my stuff sitting all over the complex, so they had to move what was sitting around back into my apartment. They also had to secure off all my stuff to keep it separate from the other job’s stuff they were going to haul in the same truck.</p>
<p>At 1:30, after about an hour of them undoing a lot of the work they had done in the first hour, they left for the other job. They assured me they’d be back at 5 to finish loading. We were going to drop off my bed at a friend’s house, so we could do that on the way and still somehow magically get to the new place by 6 and finish by 8.</p>
<p>Now, I spend a good deal of my time as a software developer poorly estimating how much time it will take to do something. I know a poor estimation when I see it. And a half hour to load the rest of my stuff was clearly a poor estimation. But they had a lot of my stuff in the truck, and I felt pretty powerless at that point to protest. They demanded payment for the work they’d done and undone, and demanded it in cash. I paid them and went to the new place to collect my keys, as the office would be closed by the time we got there to move in.</p>
<p>I got back to the apartment, and finished disconnecting the washer/dryer. Wrapped all the art. Boxed up the stuff I was planning on coming back for later. For the record they didn’t have to take anything apart and the only thing they restored was my washing machine connections. I didn’t ask them to do any of that, I’m just saying that they didn’t have to do any of that work in the time they moved. My brother came by to pick up the stuff I’d set aside for him and the niecephews, and thankfully, to restore a tiny bit of my sanity by letting me vent. At 4:45pm, I called Nick.</p>
<p>When I was at the new place picking up keys, I met the freight elevator. I had been in a freight elevator before, but never at the controls. This was power. It goes when you tell it to go. It stops when you tell it to stop. It stays where you tell it to stay. You live and die at the whim and whimsy of a normal elevator. In a freight elevator, you are king of all you survey, which granted is a tiny metal box. But you’re king of that tiny metal box. I see why you have to reserve it - that’s a war waiting to happen, a war I would gladly fight.</p>
<p>But I wasn’t so mad-drunk with power that I failed to witness The Walk. You can’t pull a truck up to the freight elevator. You have to park the truck on the street and walk everything to the freight elevator through the parking garage. It’s roughly half the width of the complex. The complex is pretty wide.</p>
<p>When I called Nick, I shared this new nugget of information. Maybe it would be enough to convince him that it might make sense to send another guy out if we only had a 2 hour window. I didn’t want it to come as a surprise, and surprisingly he wasn’t surprised. Most buildings tall enough to have a freight elevator that works off reservations tend to have The Walk. He reminisced for a bit over The Walks he’s had to take on jobs before, and said that if anyone could do the move in 2 hours, it was the two guys on my job.</p>
<p>Now, I want to stop for just a moment and stress that I really like Lee and Arron. They’re great guys and I’m very thankful for their effort. But… well, let’s continue.</p>
<p>At 5:30 Lee called to say they were on their way back. They arrived just after 6. With my super powers of time estimation, I realized that they were going to need at least an hour to get everything back to the truck that they’d almost put in the first round, and there was more to do after they got that done. There was no way we were going to make the 8pm unload deadline. I called the new complex to speak to the night desk attendant.</p>
<p>Chris is a great guy - patient and helpful - but he didn’t think there was any way the residents wouldn’t, I believe he put it “raise sin,” if I tried to move in at 9pm on a Saturday. He was very apologetic that it was inconveniencing me, but I assured him that I understood it was either inconvenience me or everyone else and that I just wanted to check. He reserved the elevator, that majestic beast of burden, for 8am Sunday so we could start first thing in the morning.</p>
<p>So, they finally got the last of my stuff on the truck at 8:30, a half hour after they were supposed to have all my stuff unloaded a half hour away. Well, for round two at least; it was almost a full workday past when they had agreed to have it moved. Coincidentally, it was then that we also realized the truck was pinned in the gate.</p>
<p>The gate to the complex closes a little after 6pm every day and doesn’t open again until the next morning. Technically the only thing on the other side of the gate is the Leasing Office parking, but even if your car is on the wrong side of the gate after it closes, you just pull up and it opens, no worries. So you might think that if the gate closed on the truck, then we could just pull up, it opens, and Bob’s your uncle. But I mean it pinned, not penned, the truck in between the fender and the step at the narrowest part of the cab.</p>
<p>They were able to back the truck off the gate, but when the gate hits something it just stops. It doesn’t retract, and it doesn’t finish closing after the blockage clears. It just stops till the next time the timer says to move. And you can’t push it back - not without disengaging the motor.</p>
<p>Now, I’ve lived at this apartment for a while. I knew the old manager pretty well, but he left a while ago and his replacement has only been at the complex for a few weeks. I know the facilities guy pretty well, except for the fact that this particular Saturday was his last day, and I had only briefly met his replacement. I called him, out of desperation, but as I left a message I remembered him saying he has a new phone for his new job. I texted the old manager, and he knew that you could disengage the motor somehow, but didn’t remember what to do. I called the emergency number for the building, but since they were switching facilities guys, the number currently wasn’t directed to anyone and just gave an error message.</p>
<p>We messed around with the motor control box trying to figure out how to open the gate. I was trying to balance getting the inevitable fine from the old complex with paying for the guys to sit there all night smoking. Finally the old manager called the current leasing agent who called the old facilities guy on his new phone. He disengaged the motor and the truck was set free around quarter after 9.</p>
<p>I had to pay for 3 hours, one of which was redoing the undoing of the original doing earlier in the day, and another was sitting around waiting for the gate to give a rousing rendition of Ali Baba’s cave. It was at this time that Lee told me I was going to have to pay for overnight storage. I was again pretty incredulous, which is now the second time I’ve used the word in this account. In all fairness I was incredulous more than twice, but I don’t want to muddy the incredulity bits with accounts of moderate intensities.</p>
<p>I bring this up because I have been in fact muddying the incredule waters all along. Because it was at this point in the evening, after a full day of packing Friday and a full day of shenanigans Saturday, at the peak of feeling like it can’t get any worse on the absurd scale than this, that I was told the following - if I was willing to give a 5 star review on Yelp that “he” (presumably Nick) would probably waive the storage fee. All he really cares about is getting that 5 star review.</p>
<p>In hindsight there were so many amazing comebacks. “Oh I’ll leave a 5 star review, just one star on 5 different websites.” Or maybe “Ha, then I guess I’m paying the storage fee.” Sadly no, all I could muster was weakly mumbling “You’ve got to be kidding, there’s not a 5 star review in my heart.” Honest, yes. Forceful, not even remotely. But when you’re talking to a guy who has your every worldly possession in his possession, forceful seems a little out of reach. Especially immediately after the extortion attempt.</p>
<p>So as they drive off after assuring me that my stuff would be safe for the night I realized a very important fact. I’d been moving stuff all day too. I was on my feet all day, and I just wanted to sleep. But all that was left for me upstairs was a fairly dirty wood floor. I called my brother. It was going to be a little ironic to have him come out to get his stuff only to have me crash on his couch that evening, but I was confident my sister-in-law would eventually have compassion given the rest of my day.</p>
<p>It went to voicemail.</p>
<p>I could get a hotel, there are plenty of them. But I had several valuable things in my car that I didn’t want to carry into a hotel just to get up early and carry to the new apartment. So I went to the new apartment. At least it has carpet in the bedroom.</p>
<p>That was a rough night. I’m too old to be sleeping on the floor. I didn’t have anything. No toiletries or clean clothes. I was expecting to be finished that afternoon with all my stuff sitting haphazardly around the very place I was haphazardly sitting. I didn’t even have toilet paper. I drew a bath and had to drip dry. My clothes were too disgusting to use as a pillow. I finally fell asleep around midnight. I didn’t sleep long.</p>
<p>At 3am, unable to sleep any more, I started filling out the form that apartments have you do to note all the pre-existing damage. As I’m walking around, I’m starting to notice all the little things I didn’t notice when I was touring. The faucet in the kitchen is one of those pull out sprayer kinds. The main closet has an outlet up high next to the upper shelves. All the corners on the doorways and windows are rounded off. The crown moulding is finished even in places where you wouldn’t notice if it wasn’t. There’s crown moulding. The manuals to all the appliances are above the microwave along with a sample bottle of oven cleaner. The doors that lock have the little key to unlock them above the trim. I didn’t even know there was a little key. I’ve always used a little screwdriver. And there’s not just one key, there’s one above each door.</p>
<p>There’s more, but I’ll stop. There were so many little things that were right as I was walking around looking for little things that were wrong. I smelled bad and I was still angry and exhausted, but I was happy. They even left me a bottle of wine as a welcoming gift. No corkscrew or glasses, but sincerely, more than perhaps any other time in my life, it was the thought that counted.</p>
<p>I got going pretty early that morning. Found a donut shop with a decent croissant sandwich, though nothing like Corner Donuts in East Dallas. Best donut shop ever, in case you were wondering. Lee called around 7:30 to say they were heading over soon. Around 8:30 I decided I might as well try to sleep for a bit longer until they showed up. They showed up at 9:30.</p>
<p>By 1, they had everything moved in and were ready to take the bed to my friend. By two, she had the bed, a little grassy and sweaty, but it was delivered and we were done. Four and a half hours. We started to settle, but I told him I needed to go to a bank, since I could only pay for 2 hours. They said after everything I’d been through they’d just charge me the 2 hours but if Nick asked I should say it only took them 2 hours. I handed it over and drove off.</p>
<p>Five minutes later I get a call from Lee saying that I shorted them $40. I gave him $160, which at $75/hr is two hours and a rather chincy $10 tip, but he said that those two hours for some reason should work out to $200. At this point, I decided that I’d pay for all the work they did, which by my reckoning was another hour and some change. So I pulled $100 out a bank, they met me, we settled and they took off.</p>
<p>Now, again, I want to stress - I like these guys. They worked themselves to exhaustion. Saturday was the day after Aaron’s birthday. I’m sure he didn’t want to work that day; he said he just went back to sleep after they called to wake him up. I get it, and I don’t blame him at all. They showed up the next day talking about how sore they were. You know, after sleeping in their own beds and not on the floor or anything. Those guys work hard and I appreciate their work. They were just trying to hurry the job because of that gorgeous hunk of scrap iron and steel cable of a freight elevator and her reservations. Yes, she’s a her. Yes, I know she’s a her. We spent some quality time together over the past few days. She’s a stunning lady. Makes you feel like a king.</p>
<p>Which is why (the hurrying, not the freighty-lady-vator), when I got home and found that my table was scratched up on the side, that both my nightstands were damaged on top, that my liquor cabinet is banged up on the bottom and pushed in on the side, that my toolbox is dented in on the bottom, and that my antique steamer trunk has a handle ripped in two, I wasn’t overly surprised. I wasn’t even surprised to find my plasma TV screen cracked. To their credit, none of my fragile boxes were damaged and all my glass furniture and lamps came through unscathed. But it’s hard to stomach paying almost twice what I payed for the last move to have substantially more damage while still taking over twice as long to get here.</p>
<p>Really though, it’s my fault. Hiring a moving company called Reliable Moving and More is like getting a lawyer who works for Honest Lawyer and Associates. I should know better. Now you know better too.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.fuwjax.com/freight-elevator/">A Freight Elevator</a> was originally published by at <a href="http://www.fuwjax.com">Modern Day Fuwjax</a> on March 14, 2016.</p>
http://www.fuwjax.com/reflections-on-a-funeral2015-07-11T03:11:00-05:002015-07-11T03:11:00-05:00http://www.fuwjax.comfuwjax@gmail.com
<p>Psalm 46 echoes<br />
Pews vibrate<br />
Distant thunder<br />
Of friends and family<br />
A laugh breaks the low rumble</p>
<p>“Man, look at all the people”<br />
Is this the measure of a man?</p>
<p>Add them all up<br />
The money, the years<br />
The memories, the tears<br />
The heart holes<br />
Left void today<br />
Or how long they stay</p>
<p>Is greatness measured<br />
In what was lost<br />
Or what is left?</p>
<p>Write the saltwater stories<br />
Braille on the carpet<br />
Hold tight to the rest<br />
Tucked away in the bottom drawer<br />
With the black tie</p>
<p>“Can I get you anything<br />
A soda, a stool, a breath mint?”<br />
A scotch neat and a hug<br />
From the man too tired to get up</p>
<p>“Here lies a man”<br />
But none of us believe it<br />
Here lies a body in a box<br />
With a few notes to Paw Paw<br />
And a screen printed tee</p>
<p>“You can’t take it with you”<br />
But we all do<br />
Tchotchkes stuffed in heart holes</p>
<p><a href="http://www.fuwjax.com/reflections-on-a-funeral/">Reflections on a Funeral</a> was originally published by at <a href="http://www.fuwjax.com">Modern Day Fuwjax</a> on July 11, 2015.</p>
http://www.fuwjax.com/exit-stage-left2015-06-01T03:11:00-05:002015-06-01T03:11:00-05:00http://www.fuwjax.comfuwjax@gmail.com
<p>A good friend of mine married a lovely woman a few weeks ago. The next day they moved everything they had halfway across the country, away from friends and family, to start their new life together. I was proud of him, and still am, and I wanted to give him something to take with them that was truly from the heart.</p>
<p>So, as I’m sure you’re not surprised to hear, I wrote them a letter.</p>
<p>I started the letter with a quote from C.S. Lewis. To be fair, I have never read the work this quote was from. I stumbled upon it quite accidentally, but it fit so well I had to share it with him. He often picks on me for sounding too much like Lewis; a compliment I particularly enjoy.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Like I said, I did not know the context, though I assumed that the “ahead” implied was heaven and not the East Coast. It still fit my friend’s situation well. What I didn’t realize is that this was a quote from a letter to a woman who was lamenting her own impending death. The question Lewis posed right before this quote may not be shocking to his fans, but it still floors me every time I read it.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave it with regret?</p>
</blockquote>
<p>My uncle is dying. Praying for a miracle cure at this point is the epitome of selfishness. He has suffered long and been long-suffering. Though we cannot wish for his death; we desperately hope for an end to his suffering.</p>
<p>To any of you besides my uncle, please forgive me for writing what follows. I’m sure these words will offer you no consolation, and probably only double your pain. We have no other choice than to view his death as an end. To us, still trapped in this world, we can only see it as a loss.</p>
<p>But to my uncle, I wish to share my heart. I love you, and I would be ashamed if I selfishly did not give you this piece of myself, even though you will shortly leave it behind for better things.</p>
<p>I pray for you peace in these last fleeting moments surrounded by a handful of loved ones; soon to be surrounded by multitudes. That glimpse of peace I hope you now enjoy in the midst of pain will there be fully revealed. You are so close to hearing these words from our Father’s lips.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!</p>
</blockquote>
<p>You will be missed here, but not for long. These tears of sorrow will be transformed to tears of joy. Those cherished loved ones who sit now at your side will one day join you at the table.</p>
<p>When you get there, if you wouldn’t mind giving our Daddy and my Mommy and Melvin and your In-Laws and the host of others who’ve gone before a whole bunch of really big hugs, we’d appreciate it. I sure would. Please tell them I love them and I miss them and I long to be with them. There’s just a few things left here that I need to do. I promise I’ll be home in time for dinner.</p>
<p>I wish to give you the same words, the last words, I gave to my mom. I know that they are not the last words ever, only the last for now. For now, these too are my last words to you.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Be still, and know that I am God</p>
</blockquote>
<p>I love you, Uncle Ken. Safe travels. See you soon.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.fuwjax.com/exit-stage-left/">Exit, Stage Left</a> was originally published by at <a href="http://www.fuwjax.com">Modern Day Fuwjax</a> on June 01, 2015.</p>
http://www.fuwjax.com/hugger-of-trees2015-05-16T03:11:00-05:002015-05-16T03:11:00-05:00http://www.fuwjax.comfuwjax@gmail.com
<p>It’s just a tree.</p>
<p>I found myself standing staring at it standing back at me. It wasn’t staring back; it’s just a tree. Maybe inviting, beckoning even, but staring, no.</p>
<p>It’s hard to say what it was beckoning me to do. It was hard to say how or why, but for a different reason. I don’t know the how or why, but what it asked, that was difficult to admit.</p>
<p>Trees always ask things of us. Maples offer rest, willows relaxation. Birch and cedar invite you to wonder what they might become; redwood what has once been. Palms and pines speak of holidays; oak is a quiet tendril of smoke on a brisk winter evening. This one asked something else.</p>
<p>It was just a tree. It didn’t have leaves like a maple; it had leaves like a tree. The bark was very tree-like, distinguished only by being indistinguishable. It bore as much similarity to a child’s drawing of a forest as it did to any species. The most you could say - all you could say - it’s just a tree.</p>
<p>It wanted a hug.</p>
<p>Of course I know that’s ridiculous. Trees don’t want hugs. This tree did. Not that a hug was going to be easy. It’s surrounded by bramble and briar so thick you’d be hard pressed to press anywhere near it. You’d be lucky to make it out with your life.</p>
<p>I did though. I made it out. I assume I made it in judging by the tears and tears in my shirt.</p>
<p>I found myself walking away. When I first found myself I discovered the tree. This time I discovered myself. A hug can do that. You might go into a hug thinking it’s for the tree; in the end it’s all about me.</p>
<p>I remember thinking that just a moment ago. Just a moment ago was all about me. This moment must be too. I have my arms wrapped around another tree. This tree is just a tree, but nothing like the last tree. Where there were brambles here is bare. Where the first was rough this is worn and smooth and defenseless.</p>
<p>I could feel the trunk through the holes in my clothes. It felt warm. Its branches as barren as the rest, beat by the sun’s wrath mercilessly day after day. But this warmth was energy and solace and strength to me. The sun had drained this tree of its life and restored mine.</p>
<p>All about me. It was all about me. As I walked away a second time, even the lingering hand drug across its lowest branch was all about me. The lapping of the lake as I found myself walking along a deserted beach was all about me. The water spoke but asked nothing, repeating an endless rhyme to the rhythm of a gentle breeze blowing exactly my way. Even the breeze was all about me.</p>
<p>I found myself lying on the beach, laying arm in… well, arm around a large piece of driftwood, lovers locked in silent stillness, a lifeless embrace. It was less tree than shore; dumped together with vine and debris heaped in a shallow grave half buried in sand. Waves split their course tumbling over the protrusions of the hollow shell.</p>
<p>They pulled; every tug of the tide tried to reclaim its discarded prize and me - the anchor, the rock, safety in the storm. But for this tree security came too late; whatever I might have once offered was meaningless. What does life protect if not life? Only the memory of a past that never was and dreams of a future that cannot be.</p>
<p>I found myself alone on that beach, my arms empty, my body sandy and scarred, desperate for sense in the senseless. I found a tree, any tree, and choked the emptiness out of me. All about me, a tree too young, too small to bear this hug, the weight of my loss and pain. It bent. It broke.</p>
<p>Even as I left, I could feel it tight around my boot. Holding on not to keep me there, but to give everything of itself to its last branch. To give everything to me. All about me.</p>
<p>I found myself. I didn’t find something I wanted to find - something worth finding. I found something more empty than the flotsam on the beach, more fragile than the latest tree - abused, used up, and discarded. Like the first, my walls are built to keep away the things I most fear and most desire. Drained by my days under the sun, I too am exposed by the inadequacy of my defenses to any of my true threats - time, loss, pain, fear.</p>
<p>I found myself. No, this time something else found me. This tree found me. I’m not wrapped around it. I’m on my knees, bloody and broken. I want to look up, to look at it. I can’t lift my head off the ground.</p>
<p>This tree found me. Branches outstretched, this tree offers a hug I cannot return; I cannot have and hold… only cling to. This tree asks as well, it beckons, more than that, it calls. A call, a whisper, to give up a life all about me for one all about this tree, all about the hug. To live a life not chasing hugs, but giving them. Even less, to simply offer.</p>
<p>I am just a tree. Arms outstretched, offering a hug I never deserved to passersby equally undeserving. I stand here, not staring. Inviting. Beckoning.</p>
<p>The hug I want is for you. Not that you would hug me but this tree.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.fuwjax.com/hugger-of-trees/">The Hugger of Trees</a> was originally published by at <a href="http://www.fuwjax.com">Modern Day Fuwjax</a> on May 16, 2015.</p>